in memory of...

Thursday February 9th, 1998

Ben is dead. The words rung in my ears and wouldn’t stop. I just sank down on the ground, closed my eyes and wanted to cry. But I couldn’t. I just felt so scared. I couldn’t remember anything he’d said to me or what he looked like or what he was wearing the last time I saw him. I was scared I’d lose sight of him and forget the huge part of my life that he was.
There was an immediate connection between my cousin Ben and I since we were very young. My parents took on the role of his parent-figures since his mother and father died when we were too young to remember. We grew up together, from that developed an everlasting friendship. Having a friend is the most amazing part of life and Ben was just that. Being able to share my every thought with him was a gift. Now my gift has been taken away and I have developed an overwhelming sickly feeling in the pit of my stomach. I will never again be complete. There are some things in life that on...