Tea Tossing

In what can only be called an attack on decency and all that we hold dear as loyal citizens of the Crown, terrorists in the Massachusetts Colony have dumped a substantial amount of quality tea into Boston Harbor, in an attempt to force Mother England to rescind what they call "Taxation Without Representation," specifically, the current tea tax.
Dressed as the uncivilized savages that previously inhabited this area of the New World, the terrorists sent crates and crates of tea overboard and into the drink, causing black, oil-like spills that crept out of the Harbor and all along the eastern seaboard. Although impact on the environment is still being determined, early reports cite frenetic, caffeinated schools of fish darting nervously about and mounting random attacks on fishing vessels. On the plus side, local fisherman Jonathan Smith has reported a marked increase in demand for his beverage creation “Sea Tea,” which apparently provides the jolt of energy previously enjoyed from a...